לַכֹּל זְמָן וְעֵת לְכָל חֵפֶץ תַּחַת הַשָּׁמָיִם
Everything has an appointed season, and there is a time for every matter under the heaven.
Kohelet - Ecclesiastes
I memorized this verse as a small kid and I have always found it to be very comforting. The idea that G-d has a time or season for everything. Lately I have been feeling a change of seasons. You know the feeling I mean. You step out your door and the air feels different it's something you feel in your bones a change you can't really describe but is unmistakeable.
A few things have changed for me in the last weeks. Most notably and deeply felt was the loss of my Grandma. She was my Mom's mom a tough and loving lady. She grew up on a ranch out west in northern Arizona where the sky is big and the horizon expansive. She helped my Grandpa with their ranch all the while holding a job as a nurse. This was always very intriguing to me. The duality and complexity of my Grandma's life. Carving a life out for herself and her family from a harsh and brutal surround and caring for animals and large heads of cattle took a certain physical strength, caring for people as a nurse an all together different set of skills and temperament was needed. My Grandmother also struggled with mental illness something I knew, something I witnessed but never spoke to her about. I wish I had. Now I can't. She was my only remaining Grandma my Grandma Connie passed away more then 3 years ago now. The season of being the Granddaughter of a Grandmother of baking cookies and taking long walks of sneaking off and having candy bars together when my Mom had said no more sweets, of hearing stories of life on the ranch in the old days that season has gone and I miss it very much.
Another big change of season has been with my daughter Abby she is really growing up. Becoming more of a little girl and much less of a baby. As I am typing this she is playing a video game Lego Star Wars with her Dad and she spent all day at Jewish day camp without me. Some Moms reading this will laugh at me and some won't believe this but it was the first day since she was born that she spent nearly the entire day away without me. I gave her morah (teacher) at camp my cell number and told her to call if I needed to come get her or she needed me for something. From 9 till I picked her up at 3 I kept the phone by me sure it would ring so sure she would need me. It didn't ring. She had a great day on her own having so much fun with her friends. She it still little still needs me but not in the same way not 24/7 like she use to. The season of being "baby" Abby's Mommy is drawing to a close and a new season of being the Mommy of a little girl has just started and I'm looking forward to it.
Every change of season comes with it's challenges and adjustments and sometimes even sadness but just as I did as a kid I still believe everything has it's season and it's purpose and that gives me a lot of comfort and hope for what's to come.
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| Our little girl off to Camp Gan Israel on her own. |
