I'm here because of Giuseppe

"Give me your tired, your poor,

Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,

The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.

Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,

I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"

The above famous words find their home on the statue of liberty they were pinned by Emma Lazarus as part of her sonnet The New Colossus. At the turn of the last century a young man only 14 years of age arrived in New York harbor alone having left his home in the town of Formazza Italy several months before. Giuseppe "Joseph" Matli spoke no english and had nothing but the clothes on his back. He was able to come to America as "a bird of passage" a person on a short term work visa intended for short stays in America after which the person returned to Italy. However my Great Great Grandfather never left the country he came to call home. He worked hard all of his life eventually settling in northern Arizona with his wife and children. According to my Grandma he never did learn much english but was proud when after many years he received his official American citizenship. my Grandma never went into great detail but she did tell me that when Giuseppe later going by the more Americanized Joseph arrived not everyone was happy that more Italians where arriving in America and he faced discrimination. After doing some research I found phrases like "descendants of bandits and assassins" and "dirty thieves" in print from stories about Italian immigrants around the turn of the last century. There were even calls for the lynching of Italian immigrants and sadly some where carried out.

I can't imagine what it was like for Giuseppe being only 14 and all alone in a new country not able to speak any english facing hate and discrimination. It would have been easiest for him to get back on a boat and head home but I'm sure glad he didn't. He worked hard and saw his American dream through. 

Why am I writing this now telling you all about Giuseppe? Because we all have a Giuseppe or a Pablo or a Bao. We all came from immigrants who at one time or another in this nation's  history were the "other" the group no one wanted to let in. In the last few days I've been seeing in my feed headlines from articles posted like 

BREAKING: They’re Here! First Load of 10,000 Syrian ‘Refugees’ Has Arrived in New Orleans…

which by the way is completely false the real number if your ready for it is 13. Yes, 13 that's how many Syrian refugees have arrived in Louisiana this year. The article goes on to predict the horrors to come when we let these immigrants in. It breaks my heart to read postings and articles that say we should refuse entry to war refugees or any immigrant of the Muslim faith. It wasn't all that long ago that someone you called Papa or Zadie or Yaya came here to build the American dream. Let's keep that dream alive and help others to achieve it! 

My Sukkah and the refugee crisis

       The festival of Sukkot is a time each year when Jews around the world put up temporary structures in which we eat and many sleep for a week. This can be a comfortable time or an uncomfortable one depending on the weather. This year in sunny Arizona it has been extremely warm even for here. As we ate in our sukkah in the heat and walked to friend's sukkahs in the heat I tried to think what G-d might be teaching me. What can I learn from being so uncomfortable? How can this exsperiance open my eyes?
        Our sages have written that one reason for the building of our Sukkahs is for us to be reminded if only for one week each year that our people once roamed an arid landscape with no real home lest getting too comfortable and we forget we once were a people with a homeland but no home.
        We no longer roam and many of my fellow Jews have returned to our homeland in Israel or made comfortable homes in North America or Europe but for over 440,000 refugees who have fled conflict by sea attempting to get to Europe 2,920 losing their lives this is not the case.
         It is easy with our comfortable lives to turn a blind eye to those suffering without a permanent home that roam not knowing where they can safely go.
          Sometimes with a problem so big we can get overwhelmed unsure of how we can do anything to help. I recently found out that IsraAID an incredible organization that I personally saw in action in Arkansas after the horrible tornado two years ago is helping refugees in Europe as we speak. Please consider as this time of temporary dwelling comes to an end for us for many refugees it's just beginning. You can find out more about IsraAID and their efforts here: http://www.globalgiving.org/projects/emergency-relief-for-refugees-arriving-in-europe/
Please consider giving! Chag Sameach!

Is she your only?: Struggling with secondary infertility

       Is she your only? I get asked this a lot even by people who I don't know at the park or in the produce section of the grocery store. There is always something about the way they say only with a sort of confused tone as if to say but your daughter's so big there should be more. Some people even glance at my ring finger to see if I'm a single Mom because that might explain it. When I smile and reply yes the next question is almost always "but you're planning for more?". I'm always at a loss as to what to reply. At one point in my life I would have given a resounding yes without any hesitation when I was nieve about the struggles of infertility when I thought that planning or hoping or trying was enough.  

      It's interesting to me that something as sacred and personal as how many little lives we bring into the world is open to such scrutiny from others. I see it everywhere people either commenting wow they already have 4 and they are having another or it's been two years isn't it time for her to have another? It can be hard in our modern day lives with Facebook and Twitter and Instagram documenting so much of each of our lives to know where the boundaries are so I don't blame people for asking or being curious but I hope by opening up and sharing my struggle that maybe people might be more sensitive and aware.


   Secondary infertility is defined as the inability to become pregnant, or to carry a pregnancy to term, following the birth of one or more biological children and 10.5% of women world wide who have already had a child struggle with secondary infertility but I can tell you when you're going through it you feel like the only woman who can't seem to have another baby. Having already had a baby secondary infertility can be hard to except it's hard to come to terms with the fact that there might be a problem and you may need help. Even after my miscarriage last summer I told myself these things happen and tried to convince myself nothing was wrong but I think I had known for awhile deep down that something was wrong. 

   It took months for me to seek help and find a wonderful nurse practitioner who was able to finally give me a diagnosis and begin treating me with a hope that one day the treatments will help me have another baby.  In the mean time I'm pretty warn out physically and emotionally so I hope everyone will understand if I take some time to focus on my health and my family. So if you don't see me at events or at services every week or receive a meal invite from me just know that I'll be back to my old self eventually but for now I need understanding. 

   There is one more thing I want to add there was a time when seeing other babies or passing tiny clothes at Target made me feel sad but I've come to a place where I can see the incredible blessings I already have. Even though another child would be amazing and I'd love nothing more then to give Abby the sibling she so desperately wants and prays for daily I'm okay if it's not what Hashem has planned because He has already blessed me beyond measure and I am so thankful! So yes she is my only and that's okay.