Is she your only? I get asked this a lot even by people who I don't know at the park or in the produce section of the grocery store. There is always something about the way they say only with a sort of confused tone as if to say but your daughter's so big there should be more. Some people even glance at my ring finger to see if I'm a single Mom because that might explain it. When I smile and reply yes the next question is almost always "but you're planning for more?". I'm always at a loss as to what to reply. At one point in my life I would have given a resounding yes without any hesitation when I was nieve about the struggles of infertility when I thought that planning or hoping or trying was enough.
It's interesting to me that something as sacred and personal as how many little lives we bring into the world is open to such scrutiny from others. I see it everywhere people either commenting wow they already have 4 and they are having another or it's been two years isn't it time for her to have another? It can be hard in our modern day lives with Facebook and Twitter and Instagram documenting so much of each of our lives to know where the boundaries are so I don't blame people for asking or being curious but I hope by opening up and sharing my struggle that maybe people might be more sensitive and aware.
Secondary infertility is defined as the inability to become pregnant, or to carry a pregnancy to term, following the birth of one or more biological children and 10.5% of women world wide who have already had a child struggle with secondary infertility but I can tell you when you're going through it you feel like the only woman who can't seem to have another baby. Having already had a baby secondary infertility can be hard to except it's hard to come to terms with the fact that there might be a problem and you may need help. Even after my miscarriage last summer I told myself these things happen and tried to convince myself nothing was wrong but I think I had known for awhile deep down that something was wrong.
It took months for me to seek help and find a wonderful nurse practitioner who was able to finally give me a diagnosis and begin treating me with a hope that one day the treatments will help me have another baby. In the mean time I'm pretty warn out physically and emotionally so I hope everyone will understand if I take some time to focus on my health and my family. So if you don't see me at events or at services every week or receive a meal invite from me just know that I'll be back to my old self eventually but for now I need understanding.
There is one more thing I want to add there was a time when seeing other babies or passing tiny clothes at Target made me feel sad but I've come to a place where I can see the incredible blessings I already have. Even though another child would be amazing and I'd love nothing more then to give Abby the sibling she so desperately wants and prays for daily I'm okay if it's not what Hashem has planned because He has already blessed me beyond measure and I am so thankful! So yes she is my only and that's okay.
